I recently read the book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying” by Marie Kondo. I loved it and loved the message that if the item didn’t bring you joy you should thank it and then let it go. So I started my purge. I did a huge closet purge first as the book recommends starting with my shoes, clothes and purses.

It felt great to clear out all these items in my closet. I took some to consignment and donated the rest. This was all done at the beginning of the summer. Fresh start for a fresh season.

Maybe I went through my closet to quickly. Or maybe I needed to do the first round of cleansing to bring me to a new level of understanding. But my closet was still nagging me. It was just this funny feeling in my stomach when I thought about my closet space. It wasn’t joyful.

Something was amiss.

At midnight on a random Sunday in September when I couldn’t sleep I felt compelled to go to my closet and do another purge. I was more ruthless this time. Pulling out items that the last round I felt I wanted to keep.

It was only after I had completed this second big purge I realized why I had been holding on to these items.

I was afraid that if I got rid of those items I would not be able to afford new ones.

So instead these items that did not bring me joy, and I rarely wore because I don’t feel my 100% fabulous self in them were staring at me every day when I was looking for something to wear. And everyday subconsciously I was telling myself I needed to keep that in my closet because I couldn’t afford to buy a new one.

That is what I was putting out to the universe in a very subtle way too. I was living in a feeling of lack around my wardrobe and in turn around my finances.

My sweaters were holding me back.

This realization brought such an awareness to what I was putting out into the universe. Telling myself and in turn the universe that I can’t afford new clothes perpetuates that message. If that’s what I think and feel it turns into my reality.

It was time for a reboot

Time to take another look at what was really under the surface. Why those feelings of lack around my finances were occurring. It was a signal I needed to dive a little deeper beyond the feelings of lack.

I found a great book called “Money, a love story” by Kate Northrup. She does a great job of helping you look back at how your relationship with money started and where your messages were coming from. It’s a personal journey where she gets you to turn your story of lack around to one where you are the hero.

I needed to find my hero story. One where I am financially savvy and can afford to buy myself new clothes. Where all my bills are paid with ease and I have some kick ass savings.

Relationships with money can be complex. And to dig into the past stuff takes time, practice and patience. There is no quick fix. But this discovery pushed me forward in examining closer my relationship with money and what I was putting out to my future self.

When you run up against a road block ask WHY before you just smash through or go around.

When you get that feeling of unease. Stop. Ask why. Your answer might surprise you.

By stopping to ask why my closet was nagging me instead of brushing it off as not being grateful for what I have I discovered a new path of insight. I am so grateful that I did. It means some more digging and exploring but that is part of the fun.

As part of our continuous personal journeys sometimes the smallest inkling can lead to great discoveries. And these great discoveries lead to more inklings and the path continues. Following that energy is all about those little inklings. How are your sweaters treating you lately? 😉